When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
