Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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