she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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