Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
