Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
