i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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