How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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