respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
