Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
