rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
