I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
