Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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