is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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