I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
