We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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