Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize