i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
