Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was born a porn star she said
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My vagina is officially offended.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
