its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
