This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
