The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
