as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
