I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
