I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
