ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
