If that was your dad, he is hot
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
