its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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