You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
