This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
