well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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