The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you win again, gameday.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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