Dual....:-)
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
