I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
