Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize