At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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