Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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