There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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