i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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