im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize