I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
