but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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