she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
