after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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