Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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