It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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