My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
