I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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