So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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