It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
