Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
