Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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