so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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