dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
