I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
