If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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