Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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