someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize