Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
