apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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