Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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