so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
