I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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