On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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