just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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