He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize