yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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