im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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