I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
