My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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