I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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