i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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