Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
