Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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