I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How external is "for external use only"?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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