Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
