period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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