I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
