I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
jump out the window naked night went bad
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
