If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
