A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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