have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
