Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
honey bunches of taint.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hippo gnu deer
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
