dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My balls are so social today.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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