no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
