I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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