SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
