no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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