he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm always down for nudity.
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